Author: Lilima

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Gender equality at work

When we talk about gender equality at work, what do we exactly think of? Equal salary, equal opportunities, or equal judgment toward performance? Gender equality at work is about all and more. It is about how we can work together as a global team without considering gender. A workplace that everyone is chosen, paid, and treated based on their skills and qualifications not based on their gender and unspoken expectations that come with each gender.

Gender gap at work

Despite all changes we have had in the last century towards hiring women, unfortunately, the number of women who are working outside the home is not even close to men. The chances of men being hired for an entry-level position are still much higher than women even with a higher degree. The number of women at a high level of management, as CEOs, politicians or presidents is still much lower than men.

Although we are trying to have equal rights in workplaces, there are still countries in the world that women who decide to work outside the home and be active in society are considered rebels. Ambitious women have much less chance to succeed than ambitious men. Because of the image of women that is made through history as the gender who needs to give up on her dreams for family and children.

Unfortunately, for some people believing that families with working parents could be as happy and successful as families with just fathers working is impossible. This has made women try harder and work more at home and at work to prove it wrong. Despite all these efforts, women are still considered as the second gender when it comes to playing a role in society.

The picture of working women is still shadowed by the cultural and historical role of women at home.

Author of Females Force

Salary equity

Salary equity means being paid equally for the same work without considering gender. Unfortunately, studies show that there is still a significant gap between the salaries of men and women who do the same job and have the same qualifications and responsibilities. Women, despite their abilities and skills and the knowledge that they deserve the same amount of salary as their male co-workers, accept the offer because they know at least they can work and it is a step forward to equal chances in society.

The most obvious examples could be the salary of Hollywood actors. Let’s take a look at some examples;

Meryl Streep who has the most Oscar nominations in all history, 21 nominations, has been always paid less than her male co-actors.

In 2018 the highest-paid actress, Scarlett Johansson, made $198.5 million less than the highest-paid actor, George Clooney.

Charlize Theron was offered far less than Chris Hemsworth to return for the “Snow White and the Huntsman” sequel.

Ellen Pompeo, who plays the titular character on “Grey’s Anatomy,” was paid less than Patrick Dempsey, who played her love interest.

But why is that? What is our responsibility towards this unfair situation? How can we change it for the better?

Help us to find the answers by leaving comments. Talking about the reasons leads us to find the solutions.

Sexism at work

I can clearly remember the day that I had a heated conversation with one of my team members about his performance. I had to question him about his day and the time he wasn’t present at work. It wasn’t the first time he underperformed and didn’t have a proper reason for it. As his manager, I needed to be more serious about the situation as the performance of the whole team was my responsibility and I couldn’t ignore the fact that one of my team members affected others’ performance in a negative way.

After a few minutes of talking and not being able to find a reasonable explanation, he tried to get away from the conversation by leaving the office. When I asked him to stay and finish the conversation, he answered this way:

“If you weren’t a women, I would show you …”

He didn’t finish his sentence but with the closed fist and aggressive expression, I could guess that there wasn’t a friendly message behind it.

It was a real example of sexism at work. Bringing up gender, showing physical strength, and ignoring the fact that the manager, no matter what their gender is, is responsible for the team’s performance, were sexist comments and behavior.

Underestimating women at work, sexual harassment, bullying, and intimidating to show superiority at work towards women happen so often at workplaces. It is very important for women to know their rights, to be able to recognize sexist comments and behaviors, and to be assertive enough to stand for their rights.

Gender equality at work is an ongoing journey that needs everyone’s effort. Women have all the rights to stand up for themselves, never forget that!

Read also:

Shocking information about women and art

First women in space

7 steps to improve your Self-image

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7 steps to improve your Self-image

What is self-image?

Self-image as it is somehow self-explanatory is about the image that we have from ourselves. This image has two sides, the external image, and the internal image.

External image is the image that we have from our appearance. The image we have from ourselves about our shape, height, skin color, weight and etc. This is the image we have from ourselves when we look at the mirror or think how people see us when they look at us.

Internal image is more about our abilities, strengths, and relationships. It is the image that we see from ourselves when it comes to what we are capable of in terms of relationships and activities.

Wikipedia:

Self-image is the mental picture, generally of a kind that is quite resistant to change, that depicts not only details that are potentially available to an objective investigation by others (height, weight, hair color, etc.), but also items that have been learned by persons about themselves, either from personal experiences or by internalizing the judgments of others.

How is self-image built?

Self-image is an alive and ongoing process that starts from our childhood and is changing either in a positive or negative way until the last day we live. Self-image is affected by so many different items such as parents and family, friends, society, culture, religion, education and etc. Every single factor in our lives can affect our self-image.

Childhood

Self-image is strongly affected by the way we are raised. Our interaction with our parents, siblings, community, and society forms our self-image. The way they talk about us, about themselves, or even about other people is the way we learn how to look at ourselves.

For example, someone who is raised in a family or society that is much focused on appearance learns to be more focused on how they look. But someone who is more exposed to lifestyle and health learns to stay focused on their lifestyle than their experience. It is more possible that the first person grows a negative self-image based on unrealistic expectations about their look. A person with a negative self-image becomes highly judgmental about how they look and as a result, their self-esteem and confidence are also affected negatively.

A comment that you have heard about your weight, face, hair, skin, or about your behavior, intelligence, and performance at school when you were little can affect your self-image for your whole life either in a positive or a negative way.

Gender

Gender is a very important factor in shaping one’s self-image. The mental image that we have of ourselves could be highly affected by our gender. Women are more exposed to be judged by their appearance while men are more judged by their success and wealth. Women could grow a negative self-image about how they look while men mostly about their abilities.

Media

These days, media has the most influence on the image we have of ourselves. An image that is not likely anywhere close to those beautiful people we see on TV, Instagram, and billboards. Media and the way they advertise fashion and models can easily affect our self-image negatively.

It is very important that we become aware of how we feel about the image we have of ourselves and how we think about ourselves. And to understand how these feelings and thoughts are affecting our lives.

Here we need to talk about a very important topic, self-awareness.

Self-awareness

Every feeling we experience has a thought behind it. Believe it or not, it is true. If we feel sad, there is a thought behind it that leads us to feel sad. If we feel scared or happy, it’s because of how we think about that particular situation.

To have a better understanding of the topic, let’s take a look at an example:

When we fail an exam we experience sadness, embarrassment, and stress. Because we think about all the time we spent to prepare for the exam and we know that we need to do it again to be able to pass it. We may think about how others react when they know we have failed. We are stressed because we don’t know what to do next, or what if we are not able to pass it ever. And so many other thoughts that lead to feelings we experience.

So, it is very important that whenever we have negative feelings about ourselves, we become aware of how we feel and try to find the thoughts behind them. This process is called self-awareness and is very important when it comes to self-image.

If we want to improve our self-image in a positive way, we need to be aware of the feelings and thoughts we have about our appearance and our abilities. In this journey, you might need help. You could ask one of your family members, friends, or a counselor to help you.

How to build positive self-image?

Your self-image has been building up for years without you knowing the process. So, it is very important that you know changing and improving it is not something that happens overnight. There are some useful steps you could take:

  1. Be ready for the challenge: Get yourself mentally ready to challenge your old self-image and see how you could improve it.
  2. Be realistic: Try to see yourself in a realistic way, not the image that you have built based on unrealistic expectations
  3. Stay away from negative Media: Keep in mind that fashion and modeling is a highly profitable industry and Media is the shop. They are selling it to people by convincing them that beauty is what they show. Stay away from the trap!
  4. Practice self-awareness: Be aware of your thoughts and stop any negative thought that comes to your mind.
  5. Surround yourself with positive people: Remember that our self-image is highly influenced by the people we meet in our lives since day one. Every single person could possibly have an effect on how we see ourselves. So, it is very important that we try to find the people who feel good about themselves and give us the same feeling. Choose your friends wisely, the reward is priceless.
  6. Don’t compare yourself to anyone: The biggest enemy of self-image is comparison. Never compare yourself with others. There is only one of you on this planet with your genes and your background.
  7. Learn to love yourself: You are the only person who could give you the love you deserve. Learn to love yourself for who you are.

Read also:

How to look more beautiful? Wear confidence!

How to overcome fears? Face them!

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Immigration: hesitation, fear, and joy

What is immigration?

Wikipedia:

Immigration is the international movement of people to a destination country of which they are not natives or where they do not possess citizenship in order to settle as permanent residents or naturalized citizens. Commuters, tourists, and other short-term stays in a destination country do not fall under the definition of immigration or migration; seasonal labor immigration is sometimes included, however.

Immigration is moving from your native land to another country permanently. But why immigrate? What makes people leave all they have in their country and go somewhere else?

Why immigration?

Since day first, humans have been exploring unknowns to find the best place to live. They have settled in areas that could provide them good conditions of living such as climate, water sources, food sources and etc. Although these conditions are all important and necessary for human beings to live, in the modern world are not enough.

Modern societies are not scaled as a good place to live just based on the climate and food sources. They are scaled based on so many other items that are important for people to live their lives at their best. These factors could include freedom, human rights, women’s rights, a good education system, happiness level, life expectancy, financial stability, peace, and many more other factors.

For choosing a place to live, every person has different factors to consider. For a family, education and childcare might be the most important factor, for a young ambitious businessman or businesswoman financial stability and growth might be the most important ones, or for someone born in a country in which speaking of one’s idea is not allowed freely, freedom is the most important one.

Before deciding to immigrate one could experience asking themselves following questions:

What if where I am born is not where I want to spend the rest of my life?

What if staying in my country means giving up my dreams and ambitious?

What if living in a society that does not allow me to be myself and to express ideas that I believe in, is not what I want for myself and my children?

And so many other what-ifs, which has led people to think of finding a way to change their condition of life. Although it is not always easy the answer to those questions is moving. Moving to a new house, a new city, or a new country.

3 feelings you experience the most when immigrating

Hesitation:

Hesitation is probably the first and the strongest feeling you experience when you decide to immigrate. Hesitation stays with you all the time even when you immigrate and build a new life. It haunts you every time you face a challenge or you miss your family. It could be so strong that convinces you to change your mind.

The hesitation comes when you are not sure if the decision you have made is correct. You ask yourself if it is a good idea to leave your family, friends, job, and everything you have built whole your life behind and go somewhere else to start everything over. You are not sure if you are going to succeed. And so many other reasons that can make you feel hesitant and question the idea of immigration.

As an immigrant, I know as a fact that hesitation is not a bad thing. It makes you double think about your motivations and reasons for immigration. It helps you to see why you want to immigrate, what you lose, and what you could earn. It gives you a perspective of what could happen to your life after.

Fear:

Fear is another strong feeling that is with you from the moment you decide to immigrate. It is completely normal and you don’t need to control it, suppress it or hide it. Fear is a mechanism that protects humans from any possible danger. Your mind recognizes any changes in your routine as a possible danger because it can’t predict what happens next.

Immigration could be scary in so many ways. Because you don’t know what you will be facing exactly. You don’t have a job or source of income. You might not speak the language fluently. You are not sure how you are going to manage to find a home to rent or buy, finding a job, or enrolling your children at school. Even buying groceries is scary because you might not be familiar with products in the new country.

Remember, it is normal to be scared although you need to focus on your motivations to be able to go forward.

Joy:

Joy is the best feeling you experience when you immigrate. The excitement and joy of exploring new places, meeting new people, knowing new cultures, and learning new languages are ecstatic. This is the exact feeling that made Christopher Columbus sailing across the Atlantic Ocean and explores America five hundred years ago when there wasn’t the internet, plane, or any other technologies that ease the way to the unknowns.

Joy is the reward for people who risk, overcome fear, and go for a new life.

If you want to be successful as an immigrant, don’t look back

The first days and weeks of immigration are very challenging. There are so many things to do. Every step you take and complete you feel proud and relieved but thinking about all other steps that you have to take could be very overwhelming. You might doubt your decision one million times before you call the new country, your new home.

As rewarding as this journey could be, there are moments that you look back and question the whole process you have started. You might even want to leave everything and go back home. In these moments you need to remind yourself why you left your country in the first place.

Always look ahead, and try to stay motivated. For every step, you complete, pat yourself on your back. Because what you have done is brave and courageous. Not every person on this planet has the courage to do what you have done.

Stay focused on your future and don’t look back. You have the blood of all brave people in history who risked and got awarded by success and happiness.

Welcome to your new home!

Read also:

How to overcome fears? Face them!

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Lost your job? 6 stages you will go through to heal

You were called to the director’s office or to human resources and you were told that you were let go. You lost your job, that simple. You might feel shocked and confused and ask why? What had you done wrong? You might get an answer, you might not.

The reason could be anything; Covid-19, cutting budget, downsizing, restructuring, low performance, or even because your boss simply didn’t like you. No matter what the reason was, you have no job now. You are experiencing so many different emotions at the same time.

6 stages after losing your job

  • Shock and denial: You can’t believe it. You think it’s just a mistake and it will be redone. You try to understand what is going on. You feel shocked and confused. Or you might think you misunderstood the whole situation and the conversation is not really about you letting go.
  • Desperation and anxiety: You feel desperate. You’ve lost your job and you might not have enough savings to pay your bills and your rent. You feel obliged to find another job right away. Feeling restless and anxious all the time, you search for any jobs that you come across even if you know you’re chances are low. You want to jump into anything to prove to yourself and others that you were good enough and it wasn’t your fault that you were let go.
  • Sadness and self-blame: You start looking for reasons to blame yourself. You’re extremely sad and think the world is over. You might even cry which is completely ok, that’s what I did when I got fired. You think of all things you could have, should have, or might have done to prevent getting laid off. But to be honest, nothing makes you feel better.
  • Anger: You get angry at your boss, your coworkers, and whoever was related to you at work or even your family. You try to put the blame on everyone else except yourself. You might see the world as unfair and even blame the universe for what happened to you.
  • Depression: You experience not having the energy or motivation to get out of bed. You watch TV all day long and spend your whole time on useless social media. You don’t want to socialize and want to stay home.
  • Acceptance: You finally come to a conclusion that it really happened to you. You lost your job. It was a very bad experience, very sad and maybe unfair but it happened and you have no choice but accept it. In fact, the sooner you reach this stage, the sooner you can recover from it and plan for your future.

Sometimes you might need help. If you think going through these steps is not easy, ask for help. Don’t let negative thoughts and feelings get over you.

It might be the best thing ever happened to you

It may seem crazy. “How on earth losing my job or getting fired might be the best thing that has happened to me?” You might say that you have lost your source of income, you felt humiliated in front of your family and friends, you felt unqualified or even ashamed. You might think that it was the worst experience you’ve had in your life.

Yes, it is not pleasant but try to see it this way. You have a chance to think about your career and ask yourself some questions to find out what the next step could be the best for you. Questions such as:

  • Did I really love my job?
  • Was I happy at work?
  • Is it really something that I want to spend almost 1/3 of my time on it?
  • Did I have good relationships at work?
  • Did I enjoy my job?
  • Did I have the chance to learn and grow?
  • Is it something I want to do again?
  • Did I wake up every day excited to go to work?

If you answered yes to all, it was really unfortunate that you lost your job. But the bright side is that you have already done what you loved and you’re experienced in. You have built a resume in the field you love and enjoy, so what you need to do is just focus on finding a new opportunity. Remember, you’re a few steps ahead of people who have less experience than you.

But if you answered No to all or most of those questions, believe me, it was the best thing that has ever happened to you.

What next?

Now, you have the opportunity to explore your options. But first, you need to go through some stages to be ready for your next job.

  • Do nothing and clear your head: Give yourself time to recover. Do nothing serious. Don’t apply, don’t even look into job search websites. This stage doesn’t need to take a long time. A few days or maybe a couple of weeks might be enough for you to stop feeling sad, angry, or anxious.
  • List your skills and abilities: When you feel better, sit down and write a list of skills and abilities that you feel confident about. Look for your work-related strengths, skills that can make money for you.
  • List your passions and interests: Make a list of things that you love. Things that make you happy.
  • Find something you like and you can make money out of it: Now that you have two lists of what you can do based on your skills, knowledge, and experience and what you enjoy doing, try to find something which covers both.
  • When you find what you need to do, start planning: Make a step-by-step plan. Your favorite job might need new skills to learn or you might need to start with an entry-level job. As long as, you know what you want to do for the rest of your life, spending some time getting ready is totally worth it.
  • Stay focused and don’t lose hope: Feeling disappointed or losing hope while you’re looking for a new job happens all the time. But you need to remind yourself that this situation is temporary and it will pass soon. Imagine the day you start your new, how excited you may feel. Remember that feeling whenever you feel disappointed.
  • Celebrate your new job: This step is the best. You have found a new job, you meet new people and learn new things. New opportunities are ahead of you.

Be happy and celebrate it!

Read also:

How to look more beautiful? Wear confidence!

How to overcome fears? Face them!

First women in space 0

First women in space

Have you ever asked yourself who was the first woman who decides to leave planet earth to discover the universe? Let’s take look at the first women in space, women who dared to try and show other women that nothing is impossible.

First woman in space

Valentina Tereshkova

Valentina Tereshkova was born on 6 March 1937 in Russia. Her father was a former tractor driver and a sergeant in the Soviet army. Her father died when he was two years old. After her father died her mother moved the family to another city, looking for a job.

Tereshkova could not go to school before she was 10 and she graduated at 17. She started working at a tire factory but continued studying by correspondence courses.

She was interested in parachuting and skydiving. She did her first jump at 22. She didn’t intend to go to space but she was chosen by the director of cosmonaut training among 400 parachutists. Russia started training women before men because they didn’t want Americans to send the first woman to space.

On 16 June 1963, the Vostok 6 launched successfully and Valentina Tereshkova became the first woman in space. She is also the only woman to fly to space solo and the youngest at 26 years old. Her call sign on this flight was Chaika (Russian: ‘Seagull’). After her launch, she radioed down:

It is I, Seagull! Everything is fine. I see the horizon; it’s a sky blue with a dark strip. How beautiful the Earth is … everything is going well.

One cannot deny the great role women have played in the world community. My flight was yet another impetus to continue this female contribution.

Valentina Tereshkova

First American woman in space

Sally Ride was the first American woman who went to space. Sally was born on May 26, 1951, in Los Angeles. Sally was a Physicist and joined NASA in 1978.

On June 18th, 1983, the Space shuttle Challenger was launched and Sally Ride became the first American woman who traveled to space. Sally Ride is also the youngest American woman, 32 years old, who went to space. Sally Ride traveled to space twice. She flew on Challenger again in 1984.

I think it’s important for little girls growing up, and young women, to have one in every walk of life. So from that point of view, I’m proud to be a role model!

Sally Ride

First African American woman in space

Mae Carol Jemison was born on October 17, 1956, in Decatur, Alabama. Mae loved dancing and Science. She went to Stanford University and graduated in Chemical Engineering. Then she decided to be a doctor, so she went to Cornell University and earned her medical degree.

Passionate to be an astronaut, she applied to NASA in 1987 and was elected to serve for the STS-47 mission. From September 12 to 20, 1992, on STS-47 she traveled to space and became the first African American woman who went to space.

“Never limit yourself because of others’ limited imagination; never limit others because of your own limited imagination.”

Mae Jemison

First Indian woman in space

Kalpana Chawla was born in Karnal, India, in 1962. Kalpana was passionate about flying when she was young. Her father supported her passion and took her to local flying clubs. Kalpana left India and moved to the U.S. to pursue her dreams. She earned advanced degrees in engineering. After earning two master’s degrees, she earned a Ph.D. in aerospace engineering from the University of Colorado.

In 1988, just after graduating, she became a NASA researcher. In 1994, Chawla was selected as an astronaut candidate. She first flew on the Space shuttle Colombia in 1997 as a mission specialist.

She flew into space two different times aboard Space Shuttle Columbia. But during her second flight, Columbia exploded as it returned to Earth. Chawla and six fellow astronauts were killed on February 1, 2003.

The first view of the Earth is magical. It is a very overpowering realization that the Earth is so small. It affected me. I could not get over the notion that in such a small planet, with such a small ribbon of life, so much goes on. It is as if the whole place is sacred.

Kalpana Chawla

First woman died on her way to space

Sharon Christa Corrigan was born on September 2, 1948, in Boston. She was a New Hampshire high school social studies teacher.  In 1985, McAuliffe was chosen by NASA for their Teacher in Space Project. Unfortunately, Sharon never reached space and died tragically in the Space Shuttle Challenger disaster in 1986.

First women in space

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Shocking information about women in art

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Shocking information about women and art

We might already know that women’s presence in the arts is much less than men, like any other field. But there is some shocking and eye-opening information that any art lover should know.

What is Art?

Wikipedia:

Art is a diverse range of (products of) human activities involving creative imagination to express technical proficiency, beauty, emotional power, or conceptual ideas.

What does an artist do?

Artists make art. But what does that mean?

Artists are creative people who use color, shape, motion, sound, light, and other concepts to express their feelings and ideas.

Women and art

When I decided to write about the presence of women in art I realized that, unfortunately, as an art lover and someone who is interested in female power the number of female artists I could name was so limited. It gave me the passion to find out why. What is the reason we can’t name female artists but if we are asked to name some famous artists we could easily name some male artists even if we are not really interested in art?

Following information source is: The National Museum of Women in the Arts.

Do you know what the percentage of arts done by women artists in U.S. art museums is?

Based on a data analysis done in 18 major U.S. major art museums 87% of art is presented by men and only 13% is presented by women.

Do you know how many women artists represent at Auction in 2019?

From top 10 Artworks by Price and Category at Auction in 2019, no category had more than 2 women artists represented.

Here are some other facts about the presence of women in the art:

  • 46% of visual artists in the United States are women. But they earn 74 cents for every 1 dollar earned by male artists.
  • 11% of all acquisitions at 26 prominent U.S. museums over the past decade were of work by women artists.
  • Out of 3,050 galleries in the Artsy database, 48% represent 25% or fewer women artists, 10% represent NO women artists at all and only 8% represent more women than men.
  • Over 60% of MFA students are women. But galleries only show 30% women artists.
  • Nearly 40 artists have been awarded the Turner Prize. Only 11 are women artists.

Lubaina Himid became the 1st woman artist of color to win in 2017.

There is a campaign named “Can you name #5womenartists” presented by the National Museum of Women in the Arts. Let’s help this campaign to achieve its goals.

Can you name #5womenartists

Real also:

First women in space

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How to overcome fears? Face them!

When you read the title “How to overcome fears? Face them!” you might say; “well, if I could face my fears, I wouldn’t google for advice”. You are right! We all know that we need to face our fears to overcome them but we might not know-how.

Just like any other challenge in life, the most effective way to face our fears is to know them first. We need to know what we are afraid of and why. What is the reason not to be able to do what we want to do? What happens if we face our fears? What could possibly go wrong? And what is the reward when we finally do what we really intend to do?

But first we need to know what fear is. Or what makes us to feel afraid or scared.

What is fear?

Based on Wikipedia;

Fear is an emotion induced by perceived danger or threat, which causes physiological changes and ultimately behavioral changes, such as mounting an aggressive response or fleeing the threat. Fear in human beings may occur in response to a certain stimulus occurring in the present, or in anticipation or expectation of a future threat perceived as a risk to oneself.

Fear is useful!

Fear is a mechanism that protects human beings from potential dangers. In fact, humans have been able to survive so many dangers and difficult situations because of this emotion.

Humans learned to run as fast as they can when they see a tiger in the middle of the jungle. If not they would be eaten alive. They learned how to fight when they face a wild animal. There are so many other examples to show what a potential danger is and how the human body responds in order to protect us.

So, fear is useful. Fear is here to protect us so we can live long and safe.

What’s behind fear?

Fear is not always caused by a possible physical danger. What modern people are more afraid of these days is not physical danger but is psychological danger. We try to protect ourselves from feeling disappointed, humiliated, or heartbroken. We don’t take that exam because we don’t want to fail. We don’t express ourselves because we think our opinions might not be accepted or not good enough. We don’t attend meetings or seminars because we’re afraid of speaking in public. We don’t want to feel embarrassed if it doesn’t go as we expected.

But what we need to focus on to be able to analyze our fears and find a way to fight with them is to know “Why are we afraid of failure”?

We are afraid of failure because we don’t trust in our abilities. Fear is coming from a psychological danger that may hurt our feelings and confidence.

Fear or phobia?

What is phobia? Based on Wikipedia;

A phobia is a type of anxiety disorder defined by a persistent and excessive fear of an object or situation. Phobias typically result in a rapid onset of fear and are present for more than six months.

The most common are fear of spiders, fear of snakes, and fear of heights.

If you think you are suffering from a phobia, it’s a good idea to talk to a specialist and get help from experts.

Know what you are afraid of

If we want to get over our fears we need to find out what exactly we’re afraid of. I recommend you get a pen and paper and write down your fears. Then read the following questions one by one and try to find honest answers for them. I say honest answers because one of the fear mechanism’s job is to protect us from danger. Our mind could try to get away from the answer which causes pain.

To get the best result, when you answer the question ask yourself if it’s the real answer. The following questions will help us to understand the situation better and as a result, guide us to find a way to get over our fears.

Imagine your biggest fear;

  • What am I afraid of?
  • Why am I afraid of it?
  • What would be the effect of it in my life if I don’t do anything about it (short term and long term)?
  • Why don’t I want to face it?
  • What is the worst thing that could happen if I try to face it?
  • What do I lose if I fail?
  • What would happen if I fail?
  • How do I feel about myself if I don’t do anything about it?
  • How do I feel about myself if I try and I fail?

Now, you have a good idea of what your fear is. What is behind your fear and what would happen if you decide to ignore your fear or if you try to face it and fail?

Next step is to see the other side of the situation. Grab another paper and answer following questions:

  • What if I face my fear and overcome it?
  • How do I feel about myself?
  • What could change in my life when I overcome my fear (short-term and long-term)?
  • What good things do I achieve and what bad things do I lose?
  • Will this success help me overcome other fears?
  • Will this success help me to have a better life?

You could add more questions if you find more. Every person is different and unique. Our lives are unique. So, feel free to make your own list of questions and picture what could possibly go wrong and what the worst scenario would be. Also, how things could change for the best in your life when you face your fears and overcome them.

By doing this, you could picture your situation now and after you change it. It will help you to know yourself and your fears better.

Fear grows with time!

When we encounter a challenge in our life, we have generally two options; get scared and run away or analyze it and see how we can overcome it.

The first option is the easiest. Although there’s no growth, no result, no reward, and no satisfaction. Instead, we feel less brave and lose a little bit of our confidence every time we run away from our fears.

The second option is the right one but the hard one. We learn what exists on the other side of the wall of fears. We learn and we grow. Most importantly, we get more confident about our abilities.

Do not hesitate too much before you take action because fear grows fast and could paralyze you before you even realize it. Fear can spread and give birth to other fears. So, make sure you do something before it gets harder and harder to defeat.

But remember, everything can change when you decide to change.

How to face your fears? Take small steps!

When you know your fears and the reason or reasons behind them, it’s time to do something about it. It’s time to act, time to face them.

Start from small steps. Just like babies who learn to walk. Every small step you take, even if you fall, gives you the courage to go further. For example, if you are afraid of speaking in public, start with a group of two or three. When you feel comfortable with that, you make the next step and try a bigger audience.

Celebrate your success

Every time you succeed even if it’s small, celebrate it. Encourage yourself! Buy yourself a coffee, a book, or do something special as a gift to yourself. It gives you the feeling of victory even if it might look so small. Remember, those small steps grow into a big success.

Last but not least,

Love yourself for who you are!

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How to look more beautiful? Wear confidence!

I’ve been looking for an answer to this question, since I was a teenager; “How to look more beautiful?”

When I was a little girl, I was always told how cute I was or how beautiful a young woman I would become one day. I believed it was true since it was nice to believe. Who doesn’t want to hear nice things as a child or even an adult? Everyone wants to be loved and praised. It’s in human nature.

As a little girl, the world was so simple to me. I was supposed to grow up, meet the charming prince and live happily ever after. But it wasn’t that easy as I got older. When I became a teenager, I realized that there was an unannounced competition among girls. A competition about, who was going to stand out in gatherings? Who would receive more attention? Who was going to be the most popular girl at high school or university? And so on. A competition that was nurtured by society, media, and even families.

No one would openly talk about it but everyone knew it existed. Well, as a result, I started to search for ways to be that one girl. But how? The first and easiest way was to compare me to others and find out how I could be the most beautiful?

Comparing myself became a habit and that competition never ended. In every stage of my life, the subject changed from the most beautiful girl in the room to the best student, the best daughter, the best employee, the best wife, the best mom and etc. The list was never-ending and there was always something that I wanted to be the best at.

One day I found out all I was doing in my life was searching for an answer to this question: “How can I be the best?” After a lot of thinking about why is it important to be always the best, I realized there was a most profound issue down in my unconscious mind. In fact, I wasn’t looking for being the best, I was running away from another question which I wasn’t even aware of: “Am I good enough?”

It was a bad day, believe me. It was the day that I started doubting everything. It wasn’t about how beautiful, attractive, smart, or successful I was anymore. It was about “who I was” or “if I was good enough at all”.

Self-doubt grew to anxiety and anxiety to depression. Depression took away everything from me; happiness, life purpose, energy, and literally everything which could be me.

It was a very long journey to realize what was missing in my life. After lots of reading, consulting sessions, and research I found the answer. What I needed to be me and live my life as I was supposed to, was one single and very important word; “self-confidence”.

Please do yourself a favor, Get more damn confident!

I’m sure as a female, my story could relate to almost every other woman in the world. We’ve all asked ourselves at least once; “Am I beautiful enough?”

We’ve all googled these questions to find the right answer; “How to be more attractive?”, “How to get more in shape?”, “How to look gorgeous?”, “How to be a good mom?”, “How to be a good wife?” and on and on. Haven’t we?

If you haven’t, believe me, you’re so lucky and you might not even know it.

Let me tell you what the magic ingredient is to look more beautiful and attractive: Wear confidence! Yes, confidence is the most effective way to look more beautiful. You need to know why I’ll tell you. Let’s first take a look at what confidence and self-confidence mean.

What’s confidence?

Wikipedia;

Confidence is a state of being clear-headed either that a hypothesis or prediction is correct or that a chosen course of action is the best or most effective. Confidence comes from the Latin word ‘fidere’ which means “to trust”; therefore, having self-confidence is having trust in one’s self.

University of South Florida;

Self-confidence is an attitude about your skills and abilities. It means you accept and trust yourself and have a sense of control in your life. You know your strengths and weakness well, and have a positive view of yourself. You set realistic expectations and goals, communicate assertively, and can handle criticism.

Why confidence is the best accessory a woman can wear?

So, based on the two sources I mentioned, self-confidence is an attitude about your skills and abilities. It’s about having trust in yourself.

Now take a moment and think about the most beautiful, attractive, and successful person you’ve ever met. Then go over another list of people who share the same characteristics. Or even simpler, imagine all the celebrities who walk on the red carpet and smile at cameras with the attitude of “Here I am”! Don’t they all look good? Don’t they convince everyone that they are beautiful, handsome, smart, and successful?

Ask yourself why? You might say; well, they are what they think. They’re rich, successful, and good-looking. That’s why they’re so confident about themselves. But what about me? I’m not a celebrity or anything. I’m just an ordinary person.

Yes, you’re right. You’re not a celebrity but have you ever thought another way. They’re confident about themselves and that’s why they’ve become rich and successful. They’re confident and that’s why they even look attractive.

Here’s the mistake we all make. We are not just ordinary people. We have so much potential in ourselves waiting to flourish. We just need to believe in our skills and abilities. We need to know our weaknesses and strengths well, set realistic expectations, and achieve small goals of a bigger goal.

If you believe in yourself and have an attitude that shows how confident you are, who could possibly not believe you?

But how to get confident?

  • Stop comparing yourself to others!

Comparing is the enemy of self-confidence. Never ever compare your achievements to anyone else. There is only one version of you, being born in your family, in your town, and in the community, you belong to. You are made from so many different factors. You are unique, so is your life.

Stay focused on yourself and what you could do to grow and improve your skills and abilities.

  • Find your limits!

You need to be honest with yourself and see why you don’t trust in yourself. Make a list of things that stop you from thinking positively about yourself and see how real they are. And make a plan to get over your fears consciously. Every time you doubt yourself, call your conscious and see how you could stop negative thoughts and energy. Have a plan to overcome your limits!

  • Work on your attitude and body language

Remember, how important the first impression is. But why is it so important? It’s all about attitude and body language. The first impression is not about your opinions, your education, or your success. It’s about how confident you are about yourself and how you present yourself to the world.

Watch confident people, read more, and practice to look confident. The feedback you get from others is so rewarding that you will do it over and over again until it becomes as natural as breathing to you.

  • Stay away from negativity and surround yourself with positivity

Stay away from people who make you feel bad about yourself. People who make you doubt your abilities and humiliate you. I can’t stop repeating it, stay away from anyone who makes you see yourself as not worthy and capable. Stay away from them even if they’re your family or your best friends. Fill your life with positive, successful, and supporting people.

Level-up your relationships, level-up your confidence!

Last but not least:

  • Fake it until you make it!

Have you ever heard of this saying? “Fake it until you make it”. It works so well when it comes to confidence and communications. You need to imagine yourself as the person you wish to be or the person you want everyone to see in you and starts acting that way.

You will get anxious, stressed even embarrassed sometimes because you know you’re faking something which doesn’t exist. You might think everyone can through you and read your mind. You get stressed about what if they know how you really feel and think about yourself. But we all know, no one can read minds. At least not know.

Getting confident is like getting good at some skill. The more you practice, the better you get at it.

So start faking it until you make it!